Tuesday, July 15, 2014

My new website!

Hey there folks! 
I want you to know that I have a new website. I made the move in hopes to be able to further develop my blog. Enjoy! 
Love, Carrie

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

A Note on Love

   Two dear friends of mine are engaged and I am so thrilled for them! As far as I can tell, they're as perfect for each other as any two people can be. When my friend asked me to be a bride's maid (of the informal type) I was honored. 

   My band is planning to perform at a festival out of town the same weekend as the wedding. Normally whatever the band wants takes priority over pretty much anything else in my life but not for this event. Dropping everything to be at my friend's side on her special day is more important than anything else to me. 

   Little did I know exactly how important that would be to her and her fiance. Turns out not everyone they've asked to participate in their wedding is willing to do so. 

   I really can't wrap my brain around not wanting to celebrate the absolute love and devotion between two amazing, loving and beautiful people. Let alone two people whom I absolutely love and adore! Two people whom I believe are well suited for each other and are coming together because of love, real love, honest love, scary love, dirty love, ugly love, pure love, beautiful love. They aren't getting married for selfish, needy and co-dependent reasons that so many people do.

   So what's the problem? Why are people who love both of them unwilling to participate? Apparently it's because they're both women. I know, I know…crazy right? 

   I get it, but I don't get it. I get it on the level of understanding that so many people have such limiting beliefs. For whatever reason they have them, they have them. BUT, I don't get it. 

   I'm not saying that whatever you believe in is wrong or right, better or worse. It all just is. 

   What I do want to say is that I feel sorry for you. I feel sorry that wherever your beliefs came from, your faith, your higher power, your religion, your upbringing or whatever else, they limit you from celebrating love. They limit you from believing that real love, in any form, should be held in the absolute highest esteem! They limit you from being able to expand beyond your boxed in belief of something that knows no bounds. 

   Do you really honestly believe, with every inch of your flesh, blood, head, heart and spirit that your god would condemn love?! Or that you would be condemned for celebrating it between two people of the same sex? 

   If so, I'm sorry. I am truly sorry for you. I am sorry that your beliefs keep your spirit limited. I'm sorry that what you believe in limits love. 

   I want you to know that love has no limits. You cannot own love, you cannot control love, you cannot limit love (no matter what you believe). I want you to know that love is beyond you and me. Love is beyond belief and faith. And love is beyond god. 


   For my lovely friends, I will be by your sides not only in the church on your special day but for every day before and after!

P.S. There are several people in my life, whom I love dearly, that hold what I think is a limiting belief on love. I love and adore them no less because of what they believe. We all have our place but that doesn't make me any less sad about it.

Saturday, September 21, 2013

A Two-part Adventure in Camping and Honoring Your Spirit

   I have dreams to pursue and goals to make happen. The two big ones right now are 1) more music, more and more music, playing, learning, collaborating, performing, making money at it, more music. 2) Travel as a lifestyle. I have several other goals for my life but these are the two that are taking the forefront in my life...FINALLY!!
   The music thing I am doing now but the travel thing, well I'm doing as much as I can but it's not my lifestyle yet. There are some other things that I'm working on so that can happen the way I want it to and I'm getting close, oh so close! I can almost taste it!

   Although I'm excited about the direction of my life, actively pursuing one's dreams often comes with fear, resistance, tears, shedding old beliefs, sacrifice, hard work, lack of sleep, the list goes on and on. But the satisfaction one gets from actually living your purpose is worth all of the difficulty.
   I am learning that most of the difficulty I encounter is really just me and my head drama taking on a new form. I see and feel it creep up most often in the form of distraction and busyness. I am oh so good at keeping myself busy. Most of it is great stuff too not the obvious things one might think like TV, social networking, gaming, etc. But obsessive health research and application, hanging out with friends, over organizing, unorganized shopping (mostly for groceries) and work (yes, my day job is a huge distraction). If I keep myself busy, I don't have to face my fears and I don't have to do the things that are really important to me and achieving my goals because, "don't you see, I've got grocery shopping to do".
   This week I needed to get away from all the distractions I've been participating in. I needed to give myself the space to be present for the fear that was rising inside of me that I was resisting. So I took myself and the dog to the lake.

    I have a spot that I like to go that is free, relatively secluded yet easy to get to and awe inspiring! When I go here I can't help but be totally present. There are no distractions just clear glacial water, a lot of trees, wide open sky and wildlife.

   The level of simplicity of my life mirrors my stress level and what I love about this kind of camping is that it's relatively primitive, at least I try to keep it that way. I do have some decent camp gear but I still filter my drinking water from the lake, cut all my veggies with my pocket knife, gather fire wood, eat out of the pan and go to sleep not too long after the sun sets. I also don't mind being dirty crapping in a hole or sleeping in my clothes. This type of camping requires presence of mind. I can't wander off too far in my head over thinking, blocking or getting too emotional about anything, I could easily do something stupid and freeze, starve or get dehydrated. It's that simple, yet a lot more work than it may sound like.

   It took me a little bit to get settled into "present mode" but when I did, the truth that I had been distracting and resisting came out loud and clear. My fear: that following my dreams will equal abandonment, that those that I love will not understand, will be hurt in some way and leave me or that they will feel abandoned by me because I will no longer be available to them in the way that I have been.
   Now I could say right now that this fear sounds silly and that the people who truly love me will always be there to support me, will absolutely enjoy receiving post cards from the road and will wildly throw their arms around me when they get the chance to see me. AND if they can't support me, then I don't really need them in my life.
   I know these things to be true but there is still a scared little girl in me sometimes who somewhere along the line believed the idea that she had to behave a certain way in order to receive love and to be safe. To fit in with the pack.
   Those who know me know that I have almost never been one to "follow the pack". I have always been wild, adventurous, creative, solitary and passionate. But sometimes just sometimes that fear of being left out and alone gets the better of me in some way or another. It's been coming up a lot in this whole "quit my job and follow my purpose as a world traveler, never mind where the money will come from, just gotta do it" thing.
   I find it amazing that whenever I start to get afraid, something happens that whips the fear's ass and brings Carrie back in. I have so much love and support where I didn't think I would. I have random tiny moments on off days when someone will say something to me, something so small but so big and it will reaffirm my purpose and smother my fear. It will fill my heart with absolute joy and courage knowing that the universe has my ass covered, that I'm on the right path and that I'm not alone!
   So back to the lake. As I was standing naked on solid rock, dripping wet from a swim, the sun drying my skin, a most gentle and lightly pine scented breeze blew through my lake soaked hair and I knew that no matter how fragile I felt, that I would be OK as long as I am gentle with myself.

   What I've become aware of (in yet, another new way) is that in order for this to work, in order for me to live out my purpose, I, Carrie, must be the one ultimately to accept myself and my purpose. I have to accept that it will take countless hours of dedication, much sacrifice and that some people wont understand and may feel abandoned. I must accept that at some times I will be alone in my adventure.
   I'm currently looking for members of this tribe. At this point it hasn't been easy to find people that are doing what I'm doing. What I know is that if I keep talking about it and continue in the direction of my dreams, I will find them! I will not be alone!

   Sometimes we must tread in the dark before we can see the light. And sometimes we have to be so bold as to venture alone in unknown territory in order to stumble upon others on a similar path. So I will continue on, doing things that scare the crap out of me and trigger my fear of abandonment because remaining where I'm at because it is comfortable and "safe" is absolutely detrimental to my soul!

   I will leave you with a quote from Stephen Covey thats been singing through my head and heart for the last couple of weeks. "You have to decide what your highest priorities are and have the courage - pleasantly, smilingly, non-apologetically - to say 'no' to other things. And the way to do that is by having a bigger 'yes' burning inside. The enemy of the 'best' is often the 'good'."

Sunday, August 4, 2013

Travel adventures: Twelve things I've learned from the road

I just got home from a three week long road trip. I've done a bit of traveling in my day but it's been quite a while since I've been on a trip this long. There are some things that are different about traveling for a few days as opposed to a few weeks or months.

Here are some things that I've learned or was reminded of on my adventure:

1)  ALWAYS stop and turn around if you feel the need: Whether it's a road side attraction, to pick up hitch hikers, check out that thing on the road, take a picture or whatever, there is an experience waiting to be had at that turn around and if you don't do it, it's gone forever! ...Forever!

2) Hitch hikers are just people looking for a ride: I used to hitch hike and at that time many of my friends were also hitch hikers. Yes, a lot of them are dirty and smelly, sometimes wet and often with dogs. I will admit, some of my friends were serious assholes but when it came to getting a free ride, they were not. They wouldn't hurt, rob or put the life of the driver in danger...ever. The thing about picking up hitch hikers is to BE SMART! If your gut says "no" then don't pick them up. It's really not fair to make assumptions about someone just because they're standing on the side of the freeway. Who knows, that hitch hiker may turn into a friend or at the very least, you'll get some company while helping someone out.

3) Two (or three) pairs of underwear is enough: The same goes for socks.

4) Hand washing your clothes is awesome: There is something about only having a few items of clothing and washing them by hand that is really centering and calming.

5) An amazing landscape becomes indescribably epic with the right soundtrack: The music that works best is entirely up to the individual. As long as it's something you love and that stirs your guts, it will work, I promise!

6) You can quickly learn to sleep well, almost anywhere: With ear plugs, a pillow (a luxury thats well worth it when I have the space), a familiar sleeping bag and a good sleep mat, I'm pretty much at home wherever my head lands.

7) You will likely end up sleeping in your clothes so wear something comfortable: This also is nice when you're sitting in them for hours on end in the same position in the car.

8) Sitting in a car for hours can be exhausting.

9) Sometimes you just have to pull over and let your eyes close: You may not actually really need to sleep but just allowing your body to do it's thing and doze off for 5 - 20 minutes can mean the difference between life and death...literally. Actually arriving to your destination is more important than getting there in the time you hope to get there in.

10) You must be adaptable or it's going to suck: Car trouble, food options, other people's schedules, weather, plans, time frames and more. All of these can vary greatly by the town, by the hour, by the minute and if you can't go with the flow, you're going to be disappointed at some point.

11) Take time to visit people that you know along the way: Most people enjoy housing traveling guests for a night or two and having familiar faces (and hugs) is a wonderful thing on the road. Plus you're giving your host the gift of being a part of your adventure. People love that!

12) It really is about the journey, because when you're traveling, the journey is what you are doing.

Thursday, July 4, 2013

More Photo Adventures

It's getting more difficult to find new things to photograph on my walks in the morning because I can only walk so many different directions from my house and then back in 30 minutes. Its a bit of an adventure of paying attention to my usual and well known surroundings in a different way. And being aware of the subtle differences in those surroundings. It is certainly a fun challenge!

I hope you enjoy what I've come up with!

"Abandoned Wonder"
June 25th 

"Field Lounging" 
June 26th

"Industrial Cycle"
June 28th

Morning Ride
June 30th

 "Park Bench Quickie"
July 1st

"Party Slippers"
 July 2nd

"Alley Shanty"
July 4th

Sunday, June 23, 2013

My Week in Photo Adventures

More from my morning walks and a couple not from my walks. Enjoy!

"Beehive Truck"
June 16th

"Surprise Poppy"
June 17th

"Tree Fort"
 June 18th

"Forgotten Picnic Table"
June 19th

"Feet Hit Street"
June 20th

Where the best food comes from
June 21st

Ladira and the lovely sky
June 23rd

Adventure Selfie
June 23rd

Friday, June 14, 2013

Adventures in walking and photography

Every morning (almost) I walk my dog. Along the way there is always something interesting, pretty, odd, nostalgic (in my home town) or something that I deem photo worthy. So here is my last week-ish in morning walks. Enjoy!

June 4 Bellingham, Wa

"Neighbor Flowers"
June 5 Bellingham, Wa

June 6 Bellingham, Wa

"Iron Adventist Fence"
June 9 Gladstone, OR

"Sunday Morning Church Sky"
June 9 Gladstone, OR

"Bridge Shadows"
June 10 Bellingham, WA

"On My Grind"
June 11 Bellingham, WA

"Nostalgic Phone Booth"
June 12 Bellingham, WA

"Unfinished Garage Door Drawing"
June 13 Bellingham, WA