This week's adventure isn't going to be much. I'm skipping the blog and attending to my holiday duties. I suppose by writing a blog about how I'm not writing a blog this week is in fact, writing a blog. The point is that not too much thought or energy is going into this one. At this point the blog is just for fun and generating little attention so I'm all right with doing this. I write this blog because I like to. I am at least writing this little bit because I am committed to writing something to put out into the world at least once a week. So here it is.
As far as the holiday is concerned, I have family coming in from out of town and it should be a lovely time. But there is much preparation to be done and certain self-imposed, creative deadlines that I must meet. I think that I have allowed myself enough time to finish my tasks without losing my mind...we'll see.
This week I had my last day of school, continued work on my project, got to hear one of my songs and then see my name on the big screen, helped my friends begin decorating their 7 plus foot tall holiday tree that has roughly 1700 lights and over 10 U-Haul sized moving boxes worth of ornaments that go onto it. I also got to perform at a craft fair and at a local cafe with one of my band mates, both of which payed off more per hour than my day job (gotta love that!), caught up with a friend over coffee. Annnd really this list could go on and on and not include the day to day regular boring life stuff so I'll stop here. The point is, my life is full! It's busy and fulfilling and for the most part, I'm pretty happy with it (except for that pesky day job).
Pretty much I'm tired and rambling to fill up space. So I'm going to wrap it up. I promise I will be back next week with photos and delicious and adventurous stories to tell! Keeping up a blog is a lot of work and I only do this once a week! What happens when it takes off and I have to do this every day?!! For far less hours and far more pay?!! Believe it and achieve it my friends! The adventure awaits...just watch me!
Over and out until next week
Adventure Tip:
If you're a musician in Bellingham, WA and you like good food, head on down to The Old Town Cafe They will give you a meal on the house if you perform for an hour,
plus you can accept tips. Not too shabby. The atmosphere is homey,
bright and showcases local art, the food is locally sourced as much as
possible and if you're a vegetarian, the menu is pretty amazing! Rarely
has my cup gone without hot coffee, even on the busiest of mornings.
It's a great place for any adventure to begin!
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Adventures in Fear and Confronting Yourself
It's been an interesting week involving the emotional adventures in Carrie's head. (There will likely be some swearing in this episode). It started out hanging out with a guy friend of mine, a performance in Seattle with my band, continued with work on my current project, the second to last week of school and the onset of a bacterial infection. I got increasingly more tired throughout the week and by Thursday I was forced to spend about 36 consecutive hours, horizontally.
Fighting an infection causes my brain to not fire logically at my normal capacity thus bringing my ability to handle my emotions with said logic down to about 20 percent. Do you see where I'm going with this? I've spent some time this week crying, talking with those closest to me and facing some of my demons. Thankfully I'm not pms-ing because who knows what sort of unruly bitch-beast would have been released!
With my fluctuating hormones on my side this week I got to explore into the realm of "liking" someone. YES, I said it...I LIKE SOMEBODY! That's right I, Carrie, like A BOY. An intelligent, awkward, sexy, dirty, independent social butterfly who is a mad cook with a generous heart. Sounds terrible right? You said it! Gods forbid I enjoy a man's company enough to want to enjoy it a little bit more. I seriously have a problem with this, a big one. I don't want to like a boy. I hate liking boys. The last time I let myself get really excited about a boy he ended up beating the crap out of me on a regular basis for two years. So naturally, I'm a little hesitant.
Don't worry, this post isn't about that sort of thing. Plus, I love myself today and I would never let anyone treat me like that ever again. That all being said, I'm still a scared little girl when it comes to liking someone. I will not allow myself to get excited about it. And that, my friends, is the most torturous part about the whole thing. I want to be excited (at least a little) but the mere thought of it literally terrifies me. I mentioned crying earlier...ya. This shit brings me to tears.
My insides are all torn up about this. I want to dream about the adventures we could have together, what it would be like to travel with him, playing music, practicing yoga in remote and beautiful locations, cooking together and creating bizarre and delicious ferments, bike tours, hikes, shooting, meeting strangers, the list goes on and on. But I stop myself dead in my tracks. I stop before we've even held hands. I can't bring myself to do it. This may sound extreme but it feels like I will fucking die if I let myself dream.
*sigh* I don't even want to get to the point where I even begin to like someone because that is where I start to die. So I try to fool myself into believing that I'm not really feeling what I'm feeling. This is where my lack of ability for logical thinking this week, came in handy because I could no longer reason myself out of my emotions. *Bing* Break-through time!
Finally I allowed myself be okay with the fact that I like this dude. And now that I've had some time to work through my fears and calm down a bit, I want to profess my like for him right. this. minute. This is a big deal for me and I feel a sense of urgency. I need to know NOW if he likes me the same or I'm left not knowing if it is safe to continue liking him. So of course, as some sort of cosmic joke, certain circumstances have lead to there being no way of contacting him for several days unless I run into him somewhere. This leaves me sitting on my hands...waiting. Effing waiting! I can't wait for this! Limbo. Freaking limbo! (I'm trying to keep it clean see).
So what happens next? I get to be. I get to be still. It's actually a really good thing that I haven't been able to contact him this week or I likely would have done and/or said something really stupid. This way I get to really understand and own how I feel and not put it onto him. I get to see how all of these fears have nothing to do with him and everything to do with me. So when I do get to see him again, I can be confident and at peace with my own shit. I can continue the relationship, however it unfolds, with love and kindness instead of fear and expectations. (big ol' sigh of relief here!)
The emotional roller coaster is exhausting! I'm glad that I don't ride it that often. Although it is a rough ride, it always results in some kind of personal break through and that is an awesome adventure, especially when it's finally through!
I get back to the place of peace and personal acceptance with a new understanding of what makes me, me. And I love me!
Over and out until next week friends!
Please feel free to comment below on your own experience, how crazy you think I am or any other adventures you want to share!
Adventure Tip:
This week I encourage you to reach out to someone close if you are having a rough go about things. It is absolutely the most important thing for me to have several people that I can talk to about what I am going through. My friends are able to see my fears from an outside and unaffected perspective. They can see things that I can't or wont. They point them out to me lovingly and sometimes with a bop on the forehead...whatever makes me get it! (my friend actually did this to me this week). Without their loving support I can honestly say that I have no idea where I would be. They remind me that I am not alone in this world inside and outside of my head! So adventure beyond your fears and express them to a safe loved one.
Fighting an infection causes my brain to not fire logically at my normal capacity thus bringing my ability to handle my emotions with said logic down to about 20 percent. Do you see where I'm going with this? I've spent some time this week crying, talking with those closest to me and facing some of my demons. Thankfully I'm not pms-ing because who knows what sort of unruly bitch-beast would have been released!
With my fluctuating hormones on my side this week I got to explore into the realm of "liking" someone. YES, I said it...I LIKE SOMEBODY! That's right I, Carrie, like A BOY. An intelligent, awkward, sexy, dirty, independent social butterfly who is a mad cook with a generous heart. Sounds terrible right? You said it! Gods forbid I enjoy a man's company enough to want to enjoy it a little bit more. I seriously have a problem with this, a big one. I don't want to like a boy. I hate liking boys. The last time I let myself get really excited about a boy he ended up beating the crap out of me on a regular basis for two years. So naturally, I'm a little hesitant.
Don't worry, this post isn't about that sort of thing. Plus, I love myself today and I would never let anyone treat me like that ever again. That all being said, I'm still a scared little girl when it comes to liking someone. I will not allow myself to get excited about it. And that, my friends, is the most torturous part about the whole thing. I want to be excited (at least a little) but the mere thought of it literally terrifies me. I mentioned crying earlier...ya. This shit brings me to tears.
My insides are all torn up about this. I want to dream about the adventures we could have together, what it would be like to travel with him, playing music, practicing yoga in remote and beautiful locations, cooking together and creating bizarre and delicious ferments, bike tours, hikes, shooting, meeting strangers, the list goes on and on. But I stop myself dead in my tracks. I stop before we've even held hands. I can't bring myself to do it. This may sound extreme but it feels like I will fucking die if I let myself dream.
*sigh* I don't even want to get to the point where I even begin to like someone because that is where I start to die. So I try to fool myself into believing that I'm not really feeling what I'm feeling. This is where my lack of ability for logical thinking this week, came in handy because I could no longer reason myself out of my emotions. *Bing* Break-through time!
Finally I allowed myself be okay with the fact that I like this dude. And now that I've had some time to work through my fears and calm down a bit, I want to profess my like for him right. this. minute. This is a big deal for me and I feel a sense of urgency. I need to know NOW if he likes me the same or I'm left not knowing if it is safe to continue liking him. So of course, as some sort of cosmic joke, certain circumstances have lead to there being no way of contacting him for several days unless I run into him somewhere. This leaves me sitting on my hands...waiting. Effing waiting! I can't wait for this! Limbo. Freaking limbo! (I'm trying to keep it clean see).
So what happens next? I get to be. I get to be still. It's actually a really good thing that I haven't been able to contact him this week or I likely would have done and/or said something really stupid. This way I get to really understand and own how I feel and not put it onto him. I get to see how all of these fears have nothing to do with him and everything to do with me. So when I do get to see him again, I can be confident and at peace with my own shit. I can continue the relationship, however it unfolds, with love and kindness instead of fear and expectations. (big ol' sigh of relief here!)
The emotional roller coaster is exhausting! I'm glad that I don't ride it that often. Although it is a rough ride, it always results in some kind of personal break through and that is an awesome adventure, especially when it's finally through!
I get back to the place of peace and personal acceptance with a new understanding of what makes me, me. And I love me!
Over and out until next week friends!
Please feel free to comment below on your own experience, how crazy you think I am or any other adventures you want to share!
Adventure Tip:
This week I encourage you to reach out to someone close if you are having a rough go about things. It is absolutely the most important thing for me to have several people that I can talk to about what I am going through. My friends are able to see my fears from an outside and unaffected perspective. They can see things that I can't or wont. They point them out to me lovingly and sometimes with a bop on the forehead...whatever makes me get it! (my friend actually did this to me this week). Without their loving support I can honestly say that I have no idea where I would be. They remind me that I am not alone in this world inside and outside of my head! So adventure beyond your fears and express them to a safe loved one.
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
Birthday Adventure Awesomeness: sushi and live music
Welp it's that time of year again...the time for my birthday adventures! This year I kicked off my day of birth with a phone call to both of my parents at 6:45 am, thanking them for my life. Then I made my video commitment for the next phase of Project: Action Heart!
I typically start celebrating my birthday at the beginning of the month by treating myself to one small indulgence after another and by the end of the month I go out big with a table full of friends and obscene amounts of raw fish! This year was no different however, I decided to go less formal and go conveyor belt. There is a quality sacrifice that goes with the convenience of the belt but it was totally worth it!
It is a dangerous thing to be sitting within inches of a constant rolling, flow of delicious and interesting looking food throughout your entire dining experience. I was a little overwhelmed at first but got the hang of it pretty quickly. Shoveling food into my mouth, while maintaining one eye on the belt for the next plate that couldn't be passed up, I consequently ate myself into a sushi-induced food coma.
How could I not when the food looks like this?
The best part of my birthday dinner is the amazing people that show up. I invite who I would like to eat with but never know exactly who will come until dinner time. It is always an absolute honor to dine with whomever shows up and I am always touched that these people would come celebrate my birthday with me!
I anticipated possible house guests so I made goodies only to not have anyone remain long enough to get them to eat them. Alas, the treats were left in my possession and I lived off them on all day Saturday. Riding the sugar wave is not the norm for me but....they were oh, so delicious! (Here comes the food porn!)
Paleo pumpkin cheesecake anyone?
How about some chocolate coffee caramel bars? (My Saturday's demise!)
For my birthday weekend not only did I get to perform twice but I also managed to get in a trip to Seattle! Saturday night at the dive bar was probably my worst solo set in a while but still had a blast doing it and got to catch up a bit with some old friends.
Singing my heart out!
Sunday night I got to play with my band Skitnik! Did I mention how much I love Skitnik? Cos I do!! It was a private party, in a lovely intimate setting where we were well received. And by well received I mean they danced and then they danced some more!!
We have so much fun with our ever evolving stage antics!
Heart!! (yes two Skitnik pics)
A word about how grateful I am to be alive and to live my life today. There were several years of my life that I did not feel this way (I've been through quite a bit). I literally dreaded the very thought of waking in the morning. But that is no longer the case! I can honestly say that everyday (even when life sucks) I am so happy to be ALIVE, to get to experience all that the universe and the beings in it have to offer. I love that I have a path of love that I get to walk today and that I get to spread that around to those who are able to receive it! Life is an adventure my friends, take it on and own it!
Adventure Tip: Want to experience belt sushi in Bellingham? Head on down to KuruKuru Sushi. We had a large group that they were certainly willing to accommodate. I have no other conveyor belt sushi experience to compare this place to but I think just the fun of the the food rolling by is enough adventure in itself to check it out!
I typically start celebrating my birthday at the beginning of the month by treating myself to one small indulgence after another and by the end of the month I go out big with a table full of friends and obscene amounts of raw fish! This year was no different however, I decided to go less formal and go conveyor belt. There is a quality sacrifice that goes with the convenience of the belt but it was totally worth it!
How could I not when the food looks like this?
The best part of my birthday dinner is the amazing people that show up. I invite who I would like to eat with but never know exactly who will come until dinner time. It is always an absolute honor to dine with whomever shows up and I am always touched that these people would come celebrate my birthday with me!
This year's crowd! I love each and everyone of them! (my son is making that face again) I am so blessed to have such wonderful people in my life!
I anticipated possible house guests so I made goodies only to not have anyone remain long enough to get them to eat them. Alas, the treats were left in my possession and I lived off them on all day Saturday. Riding the sugar wave is not the norm for me but....they were oh, so delicious! (Here comes the food porn!)
Paleo pumpkin cheesecake anyone?
How about some chocolate coffee caramel bars? (My Saturday's demise!)
For my birthday weekend not only did I get to perform twice but I also managed to get in a trip to Seattle! Saturday night at the dive bar was probably my worst solo set in a while but still had a blast doing it and got to catch up a bit with some old friends.
Singing my heart out!
Sunday night I got to play with my band Skitnik! Did I mention how much I love Skitnik? Cos I do!! It was a private party, in a lovely intimate setting where we were well received. And by well received I mean they danced and then they danced some more!!
We have so much fun with our ever evolving stage antics!
Heart!! (yes two Skitnik pics)
A word about how grateful I am to be alive and to live my life today. There were several years of my life that I did not feel this way (I've been through quite a bit). I literally dreaded the very thought of waking in the morning. But that is no longer the case! I can honestly say that everyday (even when life sucks) I am so happy to be ALIVE, to get to experience all that the universe and the beings in it have to offer. I love that I have a path of love that I get to walk today and that I get to spread that around to those who are able to receive it! Life is an adventure my friends, take it on and own it!
Adventure Tip: Want to experience belt sushi in Bellingham? Head on down to KuruKuru Sushi. We had a large group that they were certainly willing to accommodate. I have no other conveyor belt sushi experience to compare this place to but I think just the fun of the the food rolling by is enough adventure in itself to check it out!
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